


Out in the Rain

by a1_kitkat



Series: Tightrope Album Trilogy [2]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Marcky, Mark Loves Nicky, Shane Loves Nicky, Slash, Songfic, Tightrope - Album
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:05:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3235643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky struggles to accept his lover cheated on him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out in the Rain

I'm drowning in metaphors, angry coz you didn't show, you're late again yeah  
and the tears streaming down my face,  
I'm displaced like I feel I'm soaking wet  
If you don't love me won't you leave?  
I have tried but I can't seem to say Goodbye

 

The week that followed was one of the hardest Nicky had endured. The blonde barely spoke a word to Mark and spent as little amount of time with his friends as possible. He’d spent the night in Kian’s room then, the following morning, he waited for Mark to leave their room before going in and collecting his luggage. The blonde singer had then booked another room for himself and relocated. Kian wasn’t too surprised when Nicky’s didn’t turn up in the recording studio.  
The next day, Nicky didn’t put in an appearance during breakfast but he did make the effort to go down to the studio. Mark knew not to push Nicky so he gave his lover plenty of space. He knew Kian and Shane were both worried about their friend and that they would take care of him. The brunette still wasn’t worried; he knew Nicky would come back to him [in his own time].

Nicky was standing on the balcony of his room, his jacket fully buttoned and his arms wrapped around himself. The weather had taken a turn which made Nicky feel slightly better. He stared up at the grey clouds and willed the rain to fall again.  
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Mark. They had been so happy together. Why did Mark have to do wrong? Nicky wanted to believe Mark had stopped loving him. It was the only logical explanation he could think of… Why else would Mark sleep with someone else? The thought of Mark being with someone else still bought tears to his eyes. He’d known, as soon as he’d heard Mark’s confession, that he couldn’t stay with him but at the same time Nicky knew he couldn’t leave him either.

The rain began to fall, gently at first, and Nicky smiled to himself. The rain always proved a good cover for the tears he refused to admit he shed. He reached out and grabbed the railing then he sighed and leaned his head back, letting the rain wash over his face. He closed his eyes, trying to fight back fresh tears. Without warning, the falling raindrops increased in speed and intensity. Nicky tightened his grip on the railing but didn’t move. This had become a daily ritual for him, trying to wash away his pain, and he feared what he would do once the clouds finally vanished.

 

I stand out in the rain here for hours  
Looking like I feel inside  
I can't give anymore than my heart  
You shattered it a million times  
At least you can see that I'm crying  
Out in the rain

 

Shane unlocked the door to Nicky’s room and made his way inside. He checked his watch and noted he was early today. Both he and Kian had decided they would alternate on which one of them would comfort Nicky each day. After breakfast each morning, one of them would go into Nicky’s room and make sure the blonde was up to facing the day. The older boy barely spoke during these times. Sure he was always awake, out of bed, dressed and ready to leave but Shane hated the sadness that still plagued Nicky’s eyes.  
He entered the room, closed the door and stopped. The room was empty. He noted the open bathroom door and knew Nicky wasn’t in there. For a moment he told himself not to panic. Nicky couldn’t have gotten too far. He turned and spotted Nicky’s wallet and phone still on the table. Shane knew his friend wouldn’t go out without either of those items.

Out the corner of his eye, he spotted a lone figure on the balcony. He rushed over to the door and opened it. His blonde band mate was standing, unmoving, out in the rain. Shane hurried over to him, wondering how long he’d been out there for.  
Nicky’s neck had long started protesting and the blonde had bowed his head, staring now at the street below. He felt an arm around his shoulder and, sensing it wasn’t Mark, he didn’t flinch away.  
Shane slowly led Nicky back into his room. The older boy welcomed Shane’s concern and followed his lead. Once they were back inside the warm room, Shane helped Nicky into a chair before going back and closing the door firmly. The blonde was shivering slightly and Shane told himself to remain calm.

“Nicky” Shane began. “What were you doing out there?”  
Nicky tried to shrug but failed. He’d been outside for almost an hour; he went out there the same time every morning and stayed there until his alarm would sound. Then he would return to the warm room, shower and change then sit on the bed and await the arrival of Kian or Shane.  
He’d not realised how cold it was outside until he’d come back inside. His entire body was trembling.  
“Nicky?” Shane whispered. “Are you okay?”  
Still the blonde remained silent.  
“How long were you out there for?”

 

I'm drowning in metaphors, angry coz stupid me's a fool again  
Yeah I got to get over this, though I've missed you a little now and then  
If I could just fall out of love I would leave  
I have tried but I can't seem to say Goodbye

 

Shane hurried into the bathroom and retrieved a towel before rushing back to Nicky. He dropped to his knees in front of his friend and draped the towel over the arm of the chair. The younger boy looked up into Nicky’s eyes and his heart ached. He hated seeing the blonde in so much pain. Shane reached out and placed his hand over Nicky’s. The older boy’s hand was cold to the touch and trembling slightly.

“Nicky!” Shane exclaimed. “You’re frozen. How long were you out there for?”

Without thinking, Shane began to unbutton Nicky’s shirt. The blonde’s eyes flickered, watching Shane’s actions but not attempting to stop him in any way. He separated Nicky from his soaking shirt and tossed it on the floor. Then he picked up the towel and wiped the water from Nicky’s face and chest before wrapping the towel around the blonde’s shaking body.

“How could he do this to me?” Nicky whispered.  
His voice was soft and timid. It tore at Shane’s heart.  
“I don’t know, Nicky” Shane replied.

He suddenly became aware of what he was doing and he quickly stood up. He closed his eyes and composed himself, hoping Nicky’s hadn’t noticed. Shane had been moving without thinking and his instincts had told him to get Nicky out of his wet clothing. After removing Nicky’s shirt, he’d been in the process of unbuttoning the blonde’s jeans when he’d finally realized what he’d been doing and he’d leapt away from the older boy, slightly embarrassed.  
Shane opened his eyes. Nicky was staring up at him with such intensity that the younger boy had to avert his gaze. Trying to re-affirm the ‘friendship gesture’, Shane reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s arm. The older boy’s skin was cold to touch.

“You… You should have a shower” Shane stammered. “Don’t want ye catching pneumonia or anything”

Shane turned to leave. Nicky reached out and grabbed hold of the brunette’s hand. He froze then turned to look at the older boy. The intensity was still in Nicky’s eyes and was starting to make Shane feel awkward. He’d not seen Nicky like this before… And today was the first time Nicky had spoken to him before leaving for the studio.  
The alarm on Nicky’s watch beeped and both singers looked at it. Neither one of them moved to switch it off.

“Two hours” Nicky admitted.  
“What’s two hours?” Shane asked, still aware of Nicky’s touch.  
“How long I stand outside for each morning and night… Rain or no”  
“Two hours? Are you insane? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

 

I stand out in the rain here for hours  
Looking like I feel inside  
I can't give anymore than my heart  
You shattered it a million times  
At least you can see that I'm crying  
Out in the rain

 

Shane slowly dropped to his knees, bringing himself to Nicky’s eye-level.  
“Why do you stand outside Nicky?” Shane asked him.  
“It makes me feel”  
“Feel what?”  
“Anything!”

The blonde burst into tears. Again, Shane followed his instincts. He wrapped his arms around Nicky and held him close. The older boy was still shaking but Shane was relieved to note that his skin wasn’t as cold as it had been a few minutes earlier. Shane needed to keep Nicky inside, out of the cold weather to ensure he didn’t catch a cold. He continued to hold him, willing his body heat to warm Nicky up.  
He was suddenly aware of Nicky’s bare skin pressed close to him and Shane told himself to remain in control. The blonde’s sobs subsided and Shane slowly pulled away from him. He stood before his friend and gazed down at him, Nicky stared back. He looked into Nicky’s eyes, hoping to see a sign of the old Nicky inside his intense blue orbs.

Before Shane could ask if he was okay, Nicky stood up. He forcefully grabbed a hold of the brunette’s shirt and pulled him close. The older boy crushed their lips together, wrapping his other arm around Shane’s waist to stop him from pulling away. He was taken off-guard but couldn’t stop himself from matching Nicky’s embrace with equal vigour. He wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist, pulling the older boy to him and grinding his hips against his thigh.  
Nicky’s tongue violated Shane’s mouth and the younger boy groaned at his first taste of the blonde. He wanted this so badly that, for the time being, he ignored the voice of reason that was nagging in his mind. His hands caressed Nicky’s naked back and Shane felt his cock stirring. Their tongues danced erotically with each other’s in their confined space and the brunette felt he could come on the spot.

Nicky prodded Shane towards the bed. Without interrupting their kiss, he pushed the younger boy onto the mattress and climbed on top of him. He straddled Shane’s body and could feel the younger boy’s hardness pressing against him.  
Shane was in heaven; He’d dreamed of this moment for months. Nicky’s beautiful body on top of him, lips locked, bodies entwined. Shane knew it had been worth the wait, Nicky was kissing him with more intensity that Shane could have imagined. It felt so right…

But it was wrong. This was wrong and Shane knew it.

 

I can't seem to walk away from all of this pain

I stand out in the rain here for hours  
Looking like I feel inside  
I can't give anymore than my heart  
You shattered it a million times  
At least you can see that I'm crying  
Out in the rain

 

“No!” Shane gasped.

With great difficulty, not to mention a physical strength he hadn’t known he possessed, Shane managed to break the embrace. He pushed Nicky away and rolled across the bed, placing a decent amount of space between the two singers. He leapt to his feet and turned to look at Nicky, maintaining the distance and ensuring the bed was in between them. Regret was already stirring inside him but Shane fought to ignore it.

“No… This is wrong” Shane stammered.  
“Shay?” Nicky breathed. “What’s wrong?”  
“We… We can’t”  
“Why? Don’t you want me?”  
Nicky’s seductive voice sent a shiver down Shane’s spine.  
“God yes…” Shane sighed. “But… No… Not like this!”

Nicky took a step towards him but Shane backed away. ‘So this is what it feels like to pat yourself on the back and kick yourself at the same time’ Shane said to himself.  
“I mean it, Nicky” he said aloud. “This is wrong”  
“Shane…”  
“I can’t”  
“Why not?”  
Shane took a deep breath then slowly released it.  
“It doesn’t work like this Nicky” Shane insisted.  
“What doesn’t?”  
“If… If you think that you can sleep with me to ‘get even’ with Mark… Then you’re wrong. The world doesn’t work like that Nicky. And I can’t… I won’t…” Shane closed his eyes, unable to look at Nicky. “I won’t be a re-bound shag!”

“I… No, it’s not like…” Nicky stammered.  
“You’re still with Mark” Shane insisted. “You still love him. I know you do. And I hate, hate, hate having to say this but I… I can’t do this with you [or to him]. He made a mistake and is sorry. You’re mad at him, I understand and hell I don’t blame you. But don’t do something [here with me] that you’ll regret later just because you feel you have a score to settle with him”  
“Shay?”  
“No… I…” Shane took another deep breath. He licked his dry lips and instantly regretted it… He could still taste the older boy on his mouth. “God Nicky I want to fuck you so bad right now”

Without looking at the blonde, Shane made for the door. He grabbed the handle and turned it. Before pulling it open, he stopped and lowered his voice.  
“If you decide Mark’s not the one for you… Only then could you and I…” Shane trailed off. He opened the door, dashed into the hall and pulled the door closed behind him. He hurried down the corridor to the lift and slammed his fist against the call button. Tears were spilling violently down his cheeks and he wiped them away just before the doors opened. The lift was empty when he stepped inside and he took several breaths to attempt to compose himself (and hide all evidence of his spilled tears).

Now free from looking at Nicky, he was able to stop and consider what had just happened. Shane realised he was proud of himself and his willpower yet he hated himself too. What kind of idiot was he to reject Nicky’s sexual advances? His body was still tingling from Nicky’s touch and he wanted, so badly, to return to the blonde and shag like there was no tomorrow… But he knew if he did that [and Mark found out] that there wouldn’t be a tomorrow for him.

The elevator doors opened and, from across the Lobby, Shane spotted his band mate  
‘He’s the reason you said no to Nicky’ Shane assured himself as he forced a smile at Mark. ‘Remember, you did the right thing… For all of you’ 

 

I stand out in the rain here for hours  
Looking like I feel inside  
I can't give anymore than my heart  
You shattered it a million times  
At least you can see that I'm crying  
At least you can see that I'm dying  
Out in the rain

 

Nicky stared at the closed door. He couldn’t believe Shane had run out on him like that. The confused blonde threw himself back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Tears, once again, filled his eyes. He felt worthless; before all this had happened, he couldn’t recall the last time he had cried… Now he could barely stop crying. He turned his head to the side and peered out the window. For the time being, the rain had stopped falling. Nicky longed to go back outside, to let the rain wash over him and chill him to the bone. He found comfort in this… For if he stood out there long enough, he would start to feel numb. Like this had all been a nightmare [a surreal one yes but still a nightmare].

The towel Shane had handed to him was now on the floor. So he sat up, leaned down and picked it up. He held to his face, remembering how gently Shane had wiped the water from his face. Nicky’s heart began to pound. Shane had been worried about him, had come here to comfort and help him.  
“And this is how I try to repay him?” Nicky muttered to himself.

Nicky hadn’t been aware of the brunette’s feelings for him until after he’d started seeing Mark. Once he’d learned of Shane’s crush, Nicky had wondered how he managed to miss it. The younger boy wasn’t good at hiding his feelings and it quickly became obvious that, whenever Nicky was present, Shane turned into a smitten kitten.  
What Nicky had done, just now, was nothing short of cruel. He shouldn’t have played with Shane’s feelings like that. He’d known it was wrong but he’d wanted to feel needed. The blonde had told himself that Mark was no longer attracted to him; hence he’d started looking elsewhere, so Nicky had sought the affection of someone who was attracted to him… But he hadn’t expected Shane to reject him.  
Maybe he hadn’t been thinking clearly when he’d kissed Shane but the younger boy had responded with the intensity that Nicky had craved. Once he had Shane beneath him, he’d wanted to screw with him… The way Mark had screwed him [Nicky].

“I’m sorry, Shane” Nicky whispered to the empty room. “I just wanted to make the pain go away”

As the distressed blonde lay curled up on the bed, tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands shaking, heart pounding… He knew he hadn’t succeeded in making the pain vanish. He’d only made it more intense.

 

I'm drowning in metaphors, angry coz you didn't show, you're late again  
I'm drowning in metaphors, angry coz you didn't show, you're late again

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the 'Stephanie McIntosh' album challenge wherein I attempted to write a fic for every song on her album
> 
> Track # 6 - Out in the Rain
> 
>  
> 
> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 14th September 2007


End file.
